Captain Misery's Miserable Mishaps

It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

I’m Adam-ant it’s a Vauxhall

Vauxhall have confirmed that they will be launching a Fiat 500 and Mini-rivalling city car. Now, I do like the current crop of Vauxhalls. I like the Corsa and love the Corsa VXR, the new shape Astra and the lovely new Astra GTC. I also like the Insignia, it’s a good-looking car, too. The names are generally acceptable, too. Well they were, until that is I’d realised they’d be calling the new city car the Adam.

Now, as I’m sure you are aware, Vauxhalls are simply rebadged Opels and are essentially the British arm of General Motors. Nowhere outside the UK will you find a Vauxhall – in Europe and Ireland they are Opels, in the US the Astra is rebadged as a Chevrolet and in Australia they’re Holdens. So, while I understand the Opel version being named Adam (after founder of Opel, Adam Opel) I really cannot understand why they’ve decided to keep the Adam for the name for the Vauxhall variant.

I have prattled on about stupid car names before (cheeky plug: Part one is here, part two is here), but I think the Vauxhall Adam is an incredibly stupid name. I can just see it now, a group test in Auto Express between the Vauxhall Adam, the Ford Gary, the Hyundai Trevor and the Volkswagen Klaus. News item from the same issue informs us of the launch of two new Hondas, the George and Mildred, the new Terry and June from Kia and a long-term test of the Fiat Giovanni.

Having done some more “research” on the old interweb I have found some other stupid names. Ladies and gentlefolk, please be seated and enjoy the following.

Toyota Deliboy – It’s a van, but not a shitty yellow Reliant you plonker! It’s not very good at making sandwiches either.
Honda Life Dunk – Is it a new form of biscuit, or is it just implying that your life is nothing more than something that is dipped into a cup of tea? Hmmmm….
Nissan Prairie Joy – There is no joy in this car at all. It is vile in the same way that so is Little House on the Niss… er Prairie.
Nissan Big Thumb Harmonised Truck – WHAT?????????????????????????????????????
Toyota Synus – Sinus pains generally are far more appealing than Toyotas. My sinus pains also appear to stop better than a Toyota too.
Suzuki Van Van – This is, ironically, a motorcycle.
Daihatsu Rugger Field Sports Resin Top – Indeed
Isuzu MU – Doesn’t seem so bad until you realise that MU stands for Mysterious Utility. In fact its full moniker is Isuzu Wizard Mysterious Utility
Daihatsu Applause – Could have been worse, could have been called the Daihatsu Clap.
Mitsubishi Chariot Grandis Super Exceed GDi – Not sure what it exceeds at, except its stupid name.
Renaultsport Mégane 230 Renault F1 Team R26 – Nice car, long winded name.
Toyata Corolla II Super Windy – Does that refer to car or driver?
Citroen BX Cottage – Unfortunate

Well, that wraps up one truly dire blog entry from yours truly. I’m sure there will be more rehashed, recycled nonsense on car names in the near future!


May 14, 2012 - Posted by | Motoring

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: