Captain Misery's Miserable Mishaps

It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

I’m Adam-ant it’s a Vauxhall

Vauxhall have confirmed that they will be launching a Fiat 500 and Mini-rivalling city car. Now, I do like the current crop of Vauxhalls. I like the Corsa and love the Corsa VXR, the new shape Astra and the lovely new Astra GTC. I also like the Insignia, it’s a good-looking car, too. The names are generally acceptable, too. Well they were, until that is I’d realised they’d be calling the new city car the Adam.

Now, as I’m sure you are aware, Vauxhalls are simply rebadged Opels and are essentially the British arm of General Motors. Nowhere outside the UK will you find a Vauxhall – in Europe and Ireland they are Opels, in the US the Astra is rebadged as a Chevrolet and in Australia they’re Holdens. So, while I understand the Opel version being named Adam (after founder of Opel, Adam Opel) I really cannot understand why they’ve decided to keep the Adam for the name for the Vauxhall variant.

I have prattled on about stupid car names before (cheeky plug: Part one is here, part two is here), but I think the Vauxhall Adam is an incredibly stupid name. I can just see it now, a group test in Auto Express between the Vauxhall Adam, the Ford Gary, the Hyundai Trevor and the Volkswagen Klaus. News item from the same issue informs us of the launch of two new Hondas, the George and Mildred, the new Terry and June from Kia and a long-term test of the Fiat Giovanni.

Having done some more “research” on the old interweb I have found some other stupid names. Ladies and gentlefolk, please be seated and enjoy the following.

Toyota Deliboy – It’s a van, but not a shitty yellow Reliant you plonker! It’s not very good at making sandwiches either.
Honda Life Dunk – Is it a new form of biscuit, or is it just implying that your life is nothing more than something that is dipped into a cup of tea? Hmmmm….
Nissan Prairie Joy – There is no joy in this car at all. It is vile in the same way that so is Little House on the Niss… er Prairie.
Nissan Big Thumb Harmonised Truck – WHAT?????????????????????????????????????
Toyota Synus – Sinus pains generally are far more appealing than Toyotas. My sinus pains also appear to stop better than a Toyota too.
Suzuki Van Van – This is, ironically, a motorcycle.
Daihatsu Rugger Field Sports Resin Top – Indeed
Isuzu MU – Doesn’t seem so bad until you realise that MU stands for Mysterious Utility. In fact its full moniker is Isuzu Wizard Mysterious Utility
Daihatsu Applause – Could have been worse, could have been called the Daihatsu Clap.
Mitsubishi Chariot Grandis Super Exceed GDi – Not sure what it exceeds at, except its stupid name.
Renaultsport Mégane 230 Renault F1 Team R26 – Nice car, long winded name.
Toyata Corolla II Super Windy – Does that refer to car or driver?
Citroen BX Cottage – Unfortunate

Well, that wraps up one truly dire blog entry from yours truly. I’m sure there will be more rehashed, recycled nonsense on car names in the near future!


May 14, 2012 Posted by | Motoring | Leave a comment

eBay… Why the hell did I decide to look at eBay?

Ebay is both fantastic and the absolute bane of my life in one fowl swoop. I’ve sold so much stuff on there, I’ve lost count. Other than the couple of cars I’ve part-exchanged, I’ve used eBay successfully to sell my motors when I’m done with them. I’ve bought a few from there and both car and eBay on these occasions have done me proud. Having said that, though, strangely the last car I bought I used a social networking site that will remain Facebook and we’ll call nameless.

Where it’s the bane of my life is late at night where the boredom sets in and I have to go looking through the Classic car category. Now, I’m sure I’m not the only bloke that goes on eBay late at night and clicks onto the Cars category to look what’s around. Luckily I don’t drink often as if I did, my garden would have to be converted into a car park, I’d be in serious debt and my wife would have taken our child and buggered off. Or killed me, whichever would work out more convenient. Now, as I’m sure my one reader will vouch for, I’m quite partial to slightly unorthodox cars. Or as I’ve been told, unorthodox is another word for “fucking crap”.

I’ve made a list of my favourite eBay motors that if I’d had a lottery win I’d rip the seller’s arm off for. Keep your Ferrari, Astons and Lamborghinis, for there is a Talbot Samba on the list. No, really! Just don’t expect me to explian why I find a small French shopping car more interesting than a supercar.

1983 Talbot Samba 1360 GLS, one owner and 11,000 miles from new, in red.
1984 Citroen Visa 11RE Convertible, in red.
Another Visa 11RE from 1984 but a hatchback and in blue
1990 Lancia Dedra 1.6
1971 Mini Clubman Estate in orange, 12,000 miles from new
1980 Escort RS2000 in red
1984 Talbot Alpine S in blue
1980 Austin Maxi 2 1750 HL in blue, less than 40,000 miles. Yes I do quite like these!
1983 Fiesta XR2 in white
1984 Sierra XR4i, white
1991 VW Corrado G60
1985 Lancia Beta Coupe
Late Ford Capri 280 Brooklands
Peugeot 504 2.7 V6 Pininfarina Coupe
1983 Fiat 127 1300 GT in burnt orange
1990 Fiat Uno Turbo i.e in grey
1986 Alfa 33 Green Cloverleaf, mostly red!
1981 Golf MK1 GTi in red.

That’s just the last week! Previous stuff I’ve seen on eBay I’d quite happily give garage space to include a 1981 Citron GSA, 1992 Fiat Tipo 16v, 1985 Renault 11 GTX, 1990 Citroen XM 2.0, Fiat Strada Abarth 130TC, Alfa 155 Silverstone, Lancia Thema 8.32, Mk1 Astra GTE, Opel Manta, and another Samba – the convertible.

You see, most of these cars aren’t of any interest to most people. Unless, you’re probably thinking, a complete moron with a strange taste in cars. What they offer, to me, is (except the Golf GTi) something a little different. Something outside the box. I’d rather have any of the cars in the lists above than anything new on sale today. Or indeed, a Ferrari.

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May 13, 2012 Posted by | Motoring | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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