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It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

We’re on a road to nowhere… except fucking road rage

I’m off ranting and raving again, whilst taking time out during lunch, and this time it’s to do with the general state of people’s driving on the road. It also stems from an argument I had with someone on a forum chat room about the correct way in which you should maintain and drive a car. Bearing in mind, this person was an eco mentalist type. However, as you”ll find out as you read on, this guy was as much use to the eco brigade and the environment as an atomic bomb explosion.

The quality of drivers on the road today is sub-par at best. Only this morning on my journey to work I had to take evasive action because a twatstick in a coach deemed it necessary to pull out in front of me and then drive toward me to pull over to his own side of the road. Thankfully my car has a reasonable set of brakes, but that’s not the point. This man is responsible for people’s lives, and it is a company that transports children and students to schools and colleges, respectively, and if he cannot drive in a semi-decent manner (this incident happened driving out of the bus and coach depot, mind you) whilst transporting children, he should have both his job and licence taken away. To say I was fucking fuming would be understatement of the century. I like the front end of my car. Especially when it is attached to the rest of the car.

My mate and work colleague nearly had his motor smashed up by a similar display of non-coherance on the driver’s behalf. Almost daily there is a near miss, and I’m not saying I’m a perfect driver, because I’m not – no one is, but generally they are not my fault. And the next Peugeot 207 that drives like a twat right up my tailgate is going to get more than just verbal abuse next time.

Anyway, this ecomentalist twat, we’ll call him Bob Martin Bono for now, kicked up a bit of a fuss with me telling me how I should drive my car and how I should maintain my car. Now, we’re all taught to change up to a higher gear as possible, which in essence is correct. However, this guy was basically stating that if you weren’t in 5th gear by the time you’d hit 30 mph, your cock would fall off and you’d be butt-fucked by the devil himself. His reasoning made even more flawed by his statement that “tyre pressures make no difference to your economy”. At a guess I’d suspect he’d think his engine would live longer were there no oil in it.

Now, this tree-hugging, hippy-raping moron would not take any arguments against his reasoning other than “I care for the environment”. Oh yeah, so you own a car then? You own mass produced goods? You have electricity and gas? Do you get all frisky over the mention of Ryvita? Listen to me, damn you. You use more fuel if you change up too early, thus destroying your precious little world. If you’re in 5th gear at 30mph do you realise how laboured the engine and transmission will be? You should be in 3rd at 30, maybe 4th but only at a push. It optimises fuel consumption and won’t wear out your car so quickly and helps you control the car better as you have that element of engine braking there.

Having incorrect tyre pressures will affect the friction, again causing more wear and the use of more fuel. And would you believe that this bloke assumed that you didn’t have to check ANY of the lights and levels in between services! Give me fucking strength! Generally car service intervals are every twelve months and/or anywhere between 12,000 and 24,000 miles. If you don’t check anything on your car between those times or mileages, you fucking deserve it if your car blows up. And I hope it does, and leaves you stranded somewhere near Bono.

Whilst I’m in ranting mode, you arseholes out there that park in parent and baby spaces when you don’t have a baby is just being plain ignorant and inconsiderate. When you push past me as I’m queuing patiently and I can clearly see that you don’t have a baby or any baby paraphernalia isn’t going to make my day. And when I ask “do you actually have a baby” only to be met with “no, but we have a teenager” takes the biscuit. Is you teenage son that fucking lazy that he can’t walk more than a few feet or is he that twatted that he has to be carted everywhere in a pram? No? Thought not. The signs above and the paintings on the spaces that say and depict “Parent and baby parking only” gives it away a bit. Yes, I’m talking to you, owner of red 61 plate VW Polo.

Coach drivers, VW Polo owners and eco-mentalists out there, you are on my war path. You have been warned, now fuck off out of my sight and hump a tree.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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November 10, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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