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It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

Bono rant number, oh fucksticks yet again I’ve lost count.

Mr B. Ono-Twat

Due to Bono not sharing the profits of his tour with anyone, we couldn't afford to have "Massive Twat" tatooed on his forehead...

Yes, that’s it folks, my arch nemesis Bonio is in the news once more. It has emerged that U2 will now hold that finely sought-after record of “Highest grossing tour EVER”. Hmmm. What I have read on the highly informative news site that remain unamed (Yahoo, provided by Sky News), Bono and his bandmates will net a massive £437.5 million when their so-called 360 so-called Tour wraps up in Canada.

[Insert your choice of Paul’s usual expletive phrases here. You may take a while, there’s a lot of them. Please use comment facility below to insert your own. You know you want to]

So, other than wearing stupid glasses, not being able to buy a decent shaving kit, not having written a decent song since 1988 and being a hypocritical, greedy, tax evading twatstick (thankyou Alec for this word), what has Bono ever done for us?

Really, I’m struggling here. I fail to see the relevance of U2 as a band as to me their songs sound pretty much the same. Bono’s whining voice sounds the same. The Edge would be lost without all these stupid effects all over his guitar. I fail to see the relevance of Bono’s existance other than to stick his nose into affairs which don’t concern him. All I do know is next time he wants us to stick our hands in our pockets to pay for some charity cause, all I will remember is the money he’s earnt out of Facebook (see my previous Bono rant) and U2 earning 437.5 million quid from this current tour. And yet another golf ball will be heading in the direction of the TV…


April 9, 2011 - Posted by | Rants

1 Comment »

  1. Well holy fucking ass badgers, that’s a ludicrous amount of money! With his share of that kind of wedge, why doesn’t he start up some bloody industry in one of these countries, or do what Madonna does and buy up a load of the kids and raise them himself in a cash-rich environment?

    I tell you what, that hypocritical hippo-bummer would have to arrive at my house dressed as Mussolini and slowly feed his testicles into a bacon slicer while singing the score from Chicago in order to get any fucking money out of me. I’d rather donate my dick to the north wales syncronised cheese-grater shaggers association than go to one of his concerts and I could play a more intricate and interesting guitar solo than the Edge could using my sphincter, and without the guitar.

    Kindest regards,



    Comment by Alec | April 9, 2011 | Reply

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