Captain Misery's Miserable Mishaps

It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

>Vauxhall Corsa 1.2 16v Easytronic Roadtest

>Oh my, it has come to this. I am reduced to road testing the wife’s car. Well, I suppose that must mean I need to get into it and actually drive it. Fabulous. Can I not walk? Oh, ok I’ll have a go. Firstly, to waste some time and space I shall include a photo of the front. No, that really hasn’t made me want to drive the car any more than I did before.

Whilst the picture of the car is loading, I shall talk about the styling. Well, it has some wheels, four of them on the exterior in fact. One notable fact about it is the designers used the same shape on the left hand side as they did the right hand side. What is clever, however, is there are apertures with opening panels that allow you to gain access into the car. Even better, these panels have cut outs with glass in them so you can see out of them. That really shows the forward thinking and intelligence of the Vauxhall design team that were working on the Corsa.

However, once inside the car is where the problem starts. Mainly when sat in the drivers seat as this implies that one must drive the car. There are many different shades of grey which liven up the dark grey dashboard. You do get some standard equipment within the car which include seats, steering wheel, engine, suspension, glovebox and a dashboard. There are some windows that are operated by electricity. There is also a novel locking system whereby you turn the key and sometimes some of the other doors unlock as well. This is an ideal security device and again marks out Vauxhall engineers as geniuses. It means when the other three doors are unlocked, the fourth door won’t fall off because it’s locked no matter how hard you crash into a pillar with it.

Now it’s time to drive this car. It is powered by a 1.2 16 valve engine that develops a whopping 74 bhp. However, it fails to deliver about 67 of those 74 horses due to the set up of the gearbox. You see, it is equipped with a manual gearbox with an electronic clutch system, thus the car being classed as an automatic. Vauxhall call this system “Easytronic” which is a clever mix of words. I would explain to those that don’t know how clever it is but I really can’t be bothered. With this automatic gearbox you can drive it in auto mode or sequential manual gearbox. Automatic doesn’t really work sequentially as it can select 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th but not necessarily in that order. In automatic mode the gear changes take 6-10 working days. Things do work a little better in manual mode. For example, if you are thinking of taking a trip from Penzance to Gloucester you’ll be in 2nd gear by the time you get to Exeter. This again shows the foresight of the Vauxhall engineering team as the gear change time has reduced from 6-10 working days to precisely a few hours.

This is the back of the car, in case you hadn’t realised

The ride is most excellent if you cannot feel anything. However, if you do have senses of pain and feeling, be prepared to pick your spine up at the end of every journey as it will be in kit form in the foot well. Cornering ability is pretty good actually. If you go on a road with no corners. Performance wise? I’m not sure as I’d lost interest and the will to live by the time the gearbox changed up to fifth. As for acceleration, it is quicker accelerating at 27 mph as a Ford Fiesta is at 25mph.

Practicality wise, there are ups and downs. It is not advisable to put anything in the door pockets as they are made from the same plastics and compact disc cases and disintegrate with a passing breath. The boot is vast compared with an insect and cleverly, credit once again to Vauxhall’s boffins, right up at the front beyond the cabin there is storage for an engine and gearbox, should you wish to carry them around with you.

So, a verdict then? Well, it’s a car.


January 30, 2011 Posted by | Motoring | Leave a comment


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