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It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

>useless blah blah celebrity blah blah joins blah blah blah Range Rover blah bla… WHAT??????

>Right, so straight in at the deep end. Victoria Beckham (yes, two words I’d never EVER thought I’d type, write or even want to strain myself to speak) has been given a job at Range Rover. For an undisclosed sum (read she will earn more in a week than you or I will earn in two years no doubt) she has become a “Design Consultant”.

Firstly, I would like to know what on God’s Earth is she actually going to “consult”. Damn, balls, I promised myself I wouldn’t use quotation marks this time. Buggered that up already there! Anyhoo, the “woman” has decreed that she knows absolutely diddly squat about motor vehicles, and hasn’t a clue as to where to start in her new given job role. Now, how she got the role in the first place is a totally uninteresting one. She was asked to drive the brand new Range Rover Evoque Sport Utility Off Road School Run I’ve Only Got One Kid But We Shall Take Them In This No Matter What Vehicle a few feet for its launch, but responded with the fact that she doesn’t do such trivialities any more. So what have the mad bastards done? Because she won’t drive the car a few feet, they’ve given someone with all the style and personality of a pencil sharpener the job of Design Consultant. So now she will drive the car a few feet.

I mean for what it’s worth they could have got Elmer Fudd to move the bloody thing. Hell, I would have driven it on to the launch stage for nothing. Especially if it meant that Posh (my arse) Old Spice didn’t get the job. However, if it were a Range Rover of old it would have needed a team of literally several people to push it on to the stage because the bunch of Brummies manufacturing it would probably have forgotten to connect something vital up and it wouldn’t have started.

I’m just still a little bit in shock that someone so talentless has earned so much money for doing not a great deal – something which has been written into her new job at Range Rover no doubt – not a great deal. And it’s not limited to Victoria Beckham either. There are so many “celebrities” (darn it) around now that I have absolutely no idea why they are indeed famous. True, some of them have tried singing, to not much avail. Some have even had a stab at acting. Again, not with particularly convincing results. Others are famous for no other reason than being, well, famous. It’s that I despise. Well, actually the whole celebrity culture thing I’m no big fan of, but being famous with no talent whatsoever (yes, that means you Victoria Beckham) irritates me more than something that irritates me a great deal. 

So, what are we to expect from the next Range Rover? I can see the next phase of development now. A thumping V8 motor, excellent off road ability, unrivalled thirst for petrol, oh and purple silk seats with yellow embellishments and swarovski crystals in the display panel. But will it be limited to Range Rover’s parent company Land Rover? Will Fiat take on Rod Hull and Emu to take the helm of Ferrari’s engineering and development department? Although, news just in, I have been reliably informed Rod Hull and Emu are currently in charge of Royal Mail and is set to stay there for the haul. So, it looks like the job will go to the second choice Paris Hilton.

So, can we leave the car design to the, erm, proper car designers, and leave Victoria Beckham to do whatever it is she does. Can someone remind me what it is she does? Please? I’m struggling here….seriously, what does she do? And an open plea to management of modern companies – celebrity endorsements are worthless. As are hiring “celebrities” (bollocks, done it again) to do a job that they’ve really got no idea about. Yes, Land Rover, I’m talking to YOU!


July 4, 2010 - Posted by | Motoring, Rants

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