Andrex Extra Soft Blog Roll

It's all a load of bollocks, quite frankly

>Expert textpert, choking smokers, dont you think the joker laughs at you

>Excuse the lyrics from “I Am The Walrus”, but everyone it seems is an expert or a critic. As a friend once said, X is an unknown quantity and a Spert is a drip under pressure. Which is a damn fine definition of an expert. The problem is experts are everywhere, in all walks of life. Life is run by “experts”. You know them and you’ve seen them. They know absolutely everything about absolutely everything. Or at least in their own heads they do until when it comes down to the nitty gritty.

So, what has brought this on, what is the reasoning behind today’s ranting issue of my blogroll? Well, I hope you’re all sitting down comfortably then I’ll begin. Well, the incident involves Bruce and Arthur. Well, I shall call them Bruce and Arthur for interest sake. Bruce is the non driver and Arthur is the driver. I’m sure you can see what’s coming…

After a fantastic weekend away it is nice to come back home and settle back down again, even if it is the routine of work. Anyhow, arrival at work this morning I happened to walk past Bruce and Arthur having an argument on the dealer forecourt about driving a car. Now, being nosey and “interested” I hung around the area as the argument made me chuckle. It was Bruce “teaching” Arthur, an experienced driver of 20 years plus (his words) how to drive properly. Yes, you heard that correctly, a non driver telling a driver how to drive. Apparently, the style of Arthur’s driving did not suit the car (wtf????), he was driving too slow through certain roads, telling Arthur what route he should take rather than what route the Arthur was more comfortable with driving. Bearing in mind at this point I had no idea that Bruce was a non driver until Arthur spoke and retaliated with “You’re questioning me on this and ripping me to shreds for my driving and you’ve never sat behind a steering wheel and actually driven a car in your life!?!” This was followed by lots more criticism and nitpicking from Bruce.

Now, since when did someone who has never driven a car in their life know more about how to drive than someone who has been driving for twenty years or so? Someone who has never driven or even someone who does not have a driving licence is no more qualified to slag someone else’s driving off than an aardvark that has been killed to death. Well Bruce, if you don’t like the driving, get the fuck out of the car and bloody walk. Or get yourself a driving licence, take some lessons, get yourself behind the wheel of a car and get some experience and take your test.  Make some mistakes, because you will do. The very best drivers in the world, I’ll remind you of 1994 and the untimely death of one of the greatest F1 drivers Artyon Senna as he crashed due to a mistake. Mistakes are what make up human nature. So, Bruce, put your seat belt on and shut the fuck up.

Now, I know I’m far from a perfect driver, but love driving and will drive as well as I can and as safe as I can. But I do hate being a passenger. Which leads on to long running (and now really wearing thin) jokes I have with my wife about her driving and me being a control freak. However for the record, Jayne if for some strange reason you are reading this and have not fallen asleep by now, you are a good driver. If you’ve been on a long distance with her, she is calm, focused and safe. And she can adapt to most cars pretty quickly, which living with me is an advantage considering how many cars I’ve got through! I have to adapt to different cars as I can be in anything from 2 to 15 different cars a day.

Anyway, back to the point of experts. It just really annoys and frustrates when you get someone who cannot perform the task in hand to try and tell someone who can to do it better and can do nothing but criticise and whinge. I get the same situation at work with Joe Bloggs the customer who comes in to the garage and tells the mechanic how to fix a car and how to diagnose a problem better than the mechanic. Right, so if Joe Bloggs was that brilliant at fixing cars and diagnostics why isn’t Joe a mechanic, or why doesn’t he run a garage. Or the burning question is why is Joe’s car arriving on the back of a AA flat loader for us to fix it properly because Joe, being the seasoned expert that he is, fucked the bloody thing up in the first place so it needs re-repairing. Not by an expert, but by someone who knows what they are doing. Those are two very different things. On that, I will leave you with something to chomp on, next time someone declares themselves an expert, I advise you to do one thing. In the words of Iron Maiden, “Run To The Hills!”

Rant at an end.

Two last minute notes:
I’ve now grown quite a liking for green Skoda Fabias. Strange. Good roadtrip!
Rest in peace Ronnie James Dio.


May 17, 2010 - Posted by | Rants

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